Halloween Pet Peaves

I remember when I was about 12 or 13 years old. A friend and mine thought it would be funny to go trick or treating. So we quickly assembled some pathetic costumes and visited perhaps a half dozen houses. We got several of the "Aren't you old for this?" questions, which were more disapproving than I realized at the time.

Nowadays, it seems like some teenagers trick or treat until their 18 years old. I wouldn't mind it so much, but teenagers tend not to be aware of others beyond them. (Granted, this is a problem for a lot of adults too.) So they don't realize their loud, boisterous behavior or aggressive shenanigans are frightening and disruptive to the young kids out. (I'm trying to sound old with using "nowadays" and "shenanigans." Does it work?)

In past years, the older kids often come out later, introducing another whole problem. People knocking on my door and ringing the bell until past 9:00 PM. I put out a note, but that's been largely ineffective. We'll see how late it goes this year. In the city I grew up in, they set an official trick-or-treat time. It ended around sunset. (Something like 4:00-6:30.) In this neighborhood, I don't think people get started until 6:30. I suggested something to my city council member last year about having official hours and he politely regarded it as the strangest, silliest idea he had heard in a long time.

Then there's all that darn candy. I'm not a candy person, so the sight of it makes me sick to my stomach. It's none too healthy either. It seems we have half a cabinet devoted to the musical chairs of Halloween, Christmas, Valentines, and Easter candy. The candy largely sits there until I notice that it's hardened to the point of being able to crumble concrete if applied with enough force. The stale candy is then quietly disposed to make room for the next holiday. I read recently that the U.S. produces and imports twice as much calories as the population needs. Clearly, we Americans do end up consuming a lot of these unnecessary calories; but I wonder what percentage of it is discarded or goes bad--and what percentage of that is Halloween candy. Just think, there must be tons and tons of candy corn alone that goes uneaten every year.

(Though, maybe it's recycled...)

Just in time for Halloween: Superbugs

Though, hardly a brand-new development, news of antibiotic-resistant superbugs, has been out in the news recently, including a handful of tragic incidents involving children.

You can find lots of articles from multiple media sources, but here is a good one from Reuters via Scientific American, called Two reports show "superbug" bacteria spread.

Now, I'm not normally prone to worrying over all the worldly threats out there. I have mixed feelings about warning my four year-old about "being careful of strangers." (But that's a topic for another day.) There is something about these constantly evolving bacteria that gives me the heebie jeebies. It's the kind of thing that makes one fantasize about moving away from civilization to in order to protect one's self from all the ills and potential ills of the world. Of course, there is no escape.

As always, all we can do is minimize risk. It amazes me how much better we can do. A couple of surveys on personal hygiene shows much is desired. In this survey only 90% of women and 75% of men were observed on average washing their hands after using a public restroom. The disparity between men and women's cleanliness should surprise no one who has been in a men's restroom. My guess is that the number is much lower in the home, where people don't have peer pressure and probably feel more sanitary that at an Atlanta Braves game. In another survey last year, 2 out of 3 adults admit that don't consistently wash their hands. This CBS News article sums up the findings nicely.

I must be clear that the "superbug" MRSA bacteria aren't alleged to be spreading in the restrooms of public sporting events. What's more, this strain requires some sort of skin puncture to get into the bloodstream and infect the person. It's just that it seems we can be cleaner on many fronts, as well as maybe not overuse antibiotics.

Of course, there is some suspicion out there that raising young kids in sterile environments doesn't allow them to develop healthy immune systems and makes them more prone to allergies. It just goes to show you can't win.

Blog (and podcast) of the moment

Check out Grammar Girl on why it's okay to start a sentence with "hopefully."

This is part of a weekly podcast, but each episode is transcribed to a blog entry. In this issue, one learns that the attacks on "hopefully" are ill-informed.

Rescue shelters

I'm not a regular viewer of the Ellen DeGeneres show. Apparently last week she teared up on air because the local animal rescue organization took back a dog because it was living with an 11 and 12 year-old when the contract stated it could not live with any child under 14.

I read about this in a piece called Ellen, the dog bullies and me at Salon.com. It's noteworthy how many reader responses the article has had. The responses weigh heavily in the direction of those who've had negative experiences themselves with rescue organizations. I've certainly heard similar stories from friends and acquaintances. Though good rescue organizations certainly exist, there seems to be a trend of people using their position of animal rescuers to lord over other people as part of their puritanical quest. I wouldn't say some screening isn't in order when it comes to adopting out pets, but overly-rigid requirements applied with personal biases doesn't seem to serve anyone.

We keep on talking about getting a dog. We'd probably get a medium-sized dog that most rescue organizations would deem inappropriate for young children. What we'll do is learn about the specific breed when it comes to children and only adopt a dog who's personality seems to fit. We'll leave the dog bullies behind.

Feminist girls rock

Imagine that! Equality, respect, and choices are good for relationships...

Feminism And Romance Go Hand In Hand

Being an at-home dad

A couple of weeks ago Newsweek had an essay about stay-at-home/involved fatherhood. It's a decent piece called, "Just Don't Call Me Mr. Mom." In the daily hustle and bustle, I sometimes forget that at-home fatherhood is still a relatively novel concept. Though, it seems to be at a tipping point. This article is just one of many recent media mentions on this "trend." (It makes me feel trendy!)

It's not an in-depth piece, but a good quick read. Two items I like in the piece: (1) The take down of Parenting magazine being subtitled "What Matters to Moms." The publication, which we got for a year or two, not only ignores dads on its cover, but about 99.9% of its content ignores the contribution of dads in parenting. (2) The title's request to not use the term "Mr. Mom." Few men, even the liberated, at-home dad types, like to be called a woman. It's no disrespect to women or moms of course, but dads want to be dads.

I think there is probably a strong generational component to attitudes around fathers being the at-home parent (or the broader trend of fathers being more involved with their children). I haven't experienced too much judgment from people of any age, but those my own age generally don't seem to view it as unique or of note at all.

Meredith has occasionally asked where I worked (mostly after I quit my job last spring). I tell her my job now is to be at home to take care of her and sister. She seems to get it. It helps that there are other examples of at-home moms and dads of friends of hers.

I don't know how long I'll be at home full time. Jen was home during Meredith's first year, and took the lead on many of the household stuff during her 3 years of law school. So now it's my turn. Elaine is 6 months old and Meredith is 4. She'll start kindergarten next year. (Hard to believe!) It's a demanding (and sometimes dull) job, but we're having a blast.

Podcast of the moment

This is story of interest to parents and others. The public radio program "The Story" did a bit about a male nanny who cared for a toddler during his dad's losing battle with brain cancer. Despite the unfortunate use of the word "manny," it is a touching story.

• Click here for the description

• Click here to listen to the story

And if you like the show, you can subscribe to its podcast (5 days a week) here.

Fathers as Mothers

My better half receives Self magazine. The October 2007 issue contains an interesting essay entitled: My husband is a better mother. I am usually not thrilled with the notion of a father involved in his child's life is like a mom. But the point of this essay is an investigation of the writer's conflicting attitudes on her and her husbands roles.

In short, both the parents work full-time out of the home, but the 20 month-old daughter has developed a close and even preferential relationship with her father. The writer (mother) has conflicting responses to it, but ends the piece in a predictable, but nice realization that it's great that her daughter has such a strong connection with her father.

In my experience, young kids may shift back in forth between mommy and daddy preference. For children over 12 months, usually it is the parent with whom they don't get to spend as much time. I don't think either of my daughters exhibit a strong parental preference, but that hasn't always been and won't always be the case.

I assume I'm not referring to anything groundbreaking for parents, particularly in families where there is a lopsidedness in time with one or the other parents. Though it is a paradox, observed in this essay, that often you'll have one parent who seems to be the fun, preferred one, but the other is better equipped to respond and anticipate issues.

I've only dealt with the first four years. I'm sure new dynamics come into play at later years. Indeed, my observation of families with teenage girls has me anticipating a couple years where the mother-daughter relationship will be challenged while I may have a comparatively easier time. We'll see.

Bathrooms

When I was a kid in a public place with my mom and would have to go to the bathroom, she would have me accompany her in the women's for the longest time. This was a frequent event as I had the world's smallest bladder and had to go to the bathroom all the time and everywhere. I don't know how old I was before she let me go in the men's by myslef, but it took long enough that there were a couple awkward years there. She was worried about creeps in the men's room.

Senator Craig reminds us again of the creeping kinds of things that can go on in public bathrooms, but are we paranoid? Are we really taking much of a risk by letting our child go into a bathroom alone while we camp out mere feet from the bathroom door?

Recently I had lunch with a friend. When the 4 year-old announced a bathroom need, my friend nicely offered to accompany her to the women's bathroom. I thought it was nice mostly so I could keep an eye on the baby. I bring her in the men's bathroom when she needs to go again an hour or so later. I've heard from one source that parents should feel comfortable bringing their opposite-sex children in public bathrooms up to 7 years in age. I think 'M' is almost there though. Mostly, she needs to learn to flush and wash hands every time. I should probably stop dragging her into the men's room pretty soon. Am I thinking about this wrong?

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