Fathers as Mothers

My better half receives Self magazine. The October 2007 issue contains an interesting essay entitled: My husband is a better mother. I am usually not thrilled with the notion of a father involved in his child's life is like a mom. But the point of this essay is an investigation of the writer's conflicting attitudes on her and her husbands roles.

In short, both the parents work full-time out of the home, but the 20 month-old daughter has developed a close and even preferential relationship with her father. The writer (mother) has conflicting responses to it, but ends the piece in a predictable, but nice realization that it's great that her daughter has such a strong connection with her father.

In my experience, young kids may shift back in forth between mommy and daddy preference. For children over 12 months, usually it is the parent with whom they don't get to spend as much time. I don't think either of my daughters exhibit a strong parental preference, but that hasn't always been and won't always be the case.

I assume I'm not referring to anything groundbreaking for parents, particularly in families where there is a lopsidedness in time with one or the other parents. Though it is a paradox, observed in this essay, that often you'll have one parent who seems to be the fun, preferred one, but the other is better equipped to respond and anticipate issues.

I've only dealt with the first four years. I'm sure new dynamics come into play at later years. Indeed, my observation of families with teenage girls has me anticipating a couple years where the mother-daughter relationship will be challenged while I may have a comparatively easier time. We'll see.