Who is that person with whom you work closely nearly everyday? You're friendly. You talk about all work related things to each other. Often you know all about their outside work life too. You're close. Your comfortable with each other. You know all their habits. It's your work wife/husband.
I've had a few work wives.
My first out-of-college job didn't include a work wife per se. I was working at a small organization in the same room as my then girlfriend and soon to be fiancée. It was an interesting several months. We'd wake up. Get ready. Ride the bus in together. Sometimes buy breakfast on the way. And then sit down 6 feet away from each other facing the opposite direction and proceed to ignore each other and tend to our work all day. We were in professional-mode at work. Most people knew we were dating, but not everyone did. So, I don't think that counts as a work spouse.
My next job I quickly developed a work marriage relationship with L. We worked at a political organization, but were still of very different political persuasions. Still, we were about the same age and enjoyed complaining about the same crazy characters in the office: from the food stealing, verbally abusive director, to the quiet spoken sexual harasser who'd give random French tourists in DC incorrect directions on purpose. (He was married to a French woman.) L and I also shared our love for The Who and other classic rock bands.
We talked so much at work that at least one coworker had the audacity to half-jokingly accuse us of fostering a real romance. But the very idea was absurd.
L was also a good person with whom to have a beer.
My next job featured a work wife and a work sister. I don't know how common this is for other people, but J was clearly my work sister and not a work spouse. The difference was that J and I had a more juvenile relationship. We did lots of teasing of the other. We'd joke a lot. Plus, I rarely had a beer with her. She doesn't like beer.
I don't know if it is significant that J is also my all-time favorite person to work with. We weren't best friends or anything like that. I enjoyed working with he. We had an easy and collaborative working relationship.
But also at that workplace was R, my work spouse. We'd often be each other's work ally out of necessity. First, we'd have to join forces in dealing with the boss's unreasonable demands/expectations. Then the boss left for another gig and the two of us were in charge. We'd have to work closely together and vent to each other about our staff who were not doing what they needed to be doing. R was a beer drinker and we had work-and-beer sessions on more than one occasion.
I've been out of work for a bit and recently started a new job. I don't have a work spouse yet. True, I sit next to D, with whom in many ways we have a spouse rapport. She brings food that I eat. She makes helpful suggestions like a spouse (or mom) might. (Yesterday, "Could you help with the garbage?") Yet, I don't know if she's a work spouse. We have a similar level of authority, but she's just not quite in the same peer group as me--we're really not on the same plane. I guess we'll see.
What other kind of pseudo-familial relationships do people have in the workplace? Are they positive or negative things?
For my friend J and me, it's a positive relationship. He has a fellow deviant nerd to play with during the day, to go to lunch with, etc. I get the same satisfaction from him - at least I have one ally in this stiff corporate suit wearing world I work in who "gets" me, that I can chat with about movies, television, and dungeons and dragons.
I really really really dislike work children.
On of the hardest thing about being "the boss" is avoiding having to referee childish employee disputes.
Me: I can't find this client in the system.
WC: all my notes are updated and correct!
Me: I'm sure that is true, but I can't find the client in the system.
WC: I can find him every time I look.
Me: Well I can't. There is no Joshua in the system.
WC: I don't know why, all my notes are correct.
Me: What is the client's full name, please.
WC: R Joshua Smith
Me: OK, our system files by first and Last name. You refer to the patient by his middle name. That's why I can't find him.
WC: It's not my fault!
Me: (trying not to explode) This isn't about fault. I JUST COULDN'T FIND THE CLIENT IN THE SYSTEM. I JUST NEEDED THE INFORMATION YOU HAD TO FIND THE CLIENT IN THE SYSTEM. SO THANK YOU FOR THE INFORMATION. THAT IS ALL.
WC: I told you my notes were correct.
When I was single, some of the work husbands became more, never acrimonious when it inevitably didn't take. After I married, still had work husbands but anything more, not even on my radar.
How does your real wife feel about your work wife?
Well...we're waiting...
(that last said in my best Ted Knight voice in his role in Caddyshack)
I haven't had any jealous issues from the homefront. My wife has several work husbands right now. I wonder if others have that problem though.
This past fall, another woman he works with was giving him hell about something, chewing him out, telling him what to do. When he told me about it, I said, "WTF? She's not your work wife, S is!" He laughed so hard he snorted. :D