I always knew I wanted kids. Two, to be exact. At least I think I always felt that way. I'm told that I once said to my mom that I'd never get married and have kids, but I was probably just trying to annoy her.
Shortly after I was married I told a friend that I hoped to start the kid route in the near future. She had observed me smiling the kids running around the coffee shop and begun to inquire about my plans.
"Why?" she asked. Not rhetorically, but she genuinely wanted to know.
Why indeed?
You'd think it would be an easy question, but sometimes it's hard to explain the rationale for something you always just assumed.
In the pre-effective birth control world, children were just assumed--unless you weren't going to have any sex. Without artificial birth control, the average woman having regular sex during her reproductive years would get pregnant an astonishing 13 times!
The Pill recently turned 50 years old. Even so, having kids is by and large the assumption of most people still today. Now we're able to be thoughtful on number of kids and timing. The impacts of this revolution have been extensive and astounding. Most couples are still having at least one kid though.
Some people question whether they want to have kids altogether. If only more of us asked the question, "Do I want to have kids at all? If so, why?" I'm sure most of us can think of specific people we wish would have decided that kids really weren't for them.
I don't recall how I answered her question. I think I said something to the effect of how much I enjoyed kids, that I felt I had a lot I could teach and instill in a child of mine, that I thought I'd be a good parent, that despite my cynical outer shell I was essentially an optimist whose contribution to this wonderful world could include healthy, smart, joyful, caring children.
I knew parenthood would be difficult. Goddamnit! It has been difficult! It's been difficult despite the fact that I only have two kids, they are not problem kids, I have a full parenting partner, and we haven't had any family traumas. It's still hard!
Plus, I've just gotten started. I have another 15 years minimum until they are out of the house.
I knew parenthood would be joyful. Goddamnit. It has been incredibly joyful! To have a daughter of mine who reads Encyclopedia Brown with a flashlight late into the night. To have another clever and confident daughter who laughs at my dumb, silly antics. Even though she is just three, she knows when anyone in her family needs a hug.
I don't want anything special for Father's Day. I just want my girls to be their regular playful, curious, compassionate selves. I'm proud of them and want them to just be. If I'm allowed to take just 5% credit to how they are turning out, that's enough pride for me and enough of a present.
So if the missus reads this, I don't need anything on Sunday. Let's just have some fun as a family.
(Though perhaps a beer and a little quiet time would be nice too...)
CommentS
Anyway, it was a great adventure if not the adventure I imagined. And two is so right, I think only children have a harder time, w/too much attention, too little cushion from we adults who love them. You're one lucky dad. Every day sounds like Father's Day... Rated
My youngest is 26 and I can look back and say "Yeah, it really was all worth it." but if I'd known what was getting into, I doubt I'd have the courge to start.
Happily, life only happens to you a day at a time. And, trust me, you can do anything for a day.