Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Time to man up

RATE: 7
Football season is here! As a Green Bay Packer fan with tickets to Lambeau Field, I am very, very excited, let me tell you.
But I'm also dreading the football season, because the horrible television ads it brings. This is the only time of year I find myself exposed to television ads; and ads during football games seem particularly inane. One of my "favorites" is from a couple years back, telling men that to "man up" they must drink a particular brand of beer-flavored water
How I dislike the phrase "man up!" Whether in TV ads, or from the mouth of Sarah Palin, or the name of a failed sitcom, my response is to physically cringe.
What does "man-up" mean? Urban Dictionary has a few entries. Basically, it's an imperative to do the right thing and connotes being tough, brave, responsible.
What's the harm in that? Well, two problems. First, the implication is that these attributes are soley held by men. Second, its usage is almost exclusively as a put down. You tell someone to "man up" because they are not being responsible or brave or classy and therefore their manhood is called into question.
Should we dispense with all usage of this insidious phrase? Maybe.
But I thought of one* particular instance where it might be appropriate.
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Shortly after my 35th birthday, after the kids were in bed, my wife and I were chit-chatting in the kitchen. During a pause, I took a breath and said casually, "So, I think it's time for me to have a vasectomy."
It wasn't what she was expecting in the moment, but it wasn't out of the blue either. We had two kids, girls, aged 9 and almost 6. We've been discussing whether we were done for a few years. Was now the time to drive the final nail in the coffin?
I had long said--half-serious--that I'd get a vasectomy at 35. It seemed like an appropriate point. Done with kids, but still a few years left in the reproductive years to be worth while. My loving wife has had to endure two pregnancies and labors, and years of mildly inconvenient birth control. Now that we were ready, it was my turn to permanently turn off the spigot.
In the weeks before my procedure, I read a few blog posts on vasectomies. One was a humorous take from a woman who successfully prodded her husband to get sterilized and marveled at how much hand-holding and "happy pills" he got compared to her pregnancy and labor experience. In countless other places in the Internet, men can be seen acting all squeamish about the possibility of a cut, snip, cauterize procedure in their scrotum, despite the fact that many of them witnessed their loved one first hand having a small human come out of their uterus.
A friend told me about a woman she knows whose husband agrees they are done after three kids, but just can't bring himself to do it, despite the negative effects she has from hormonal birth control.
To these guys, I have to say, "man up."
If it's appropriate to your situation, be the responsible man, and just do it. Thirty minutes on a table and a week or two of discomfort pale in comparison to one or more pregnancies for your wife or sex-partner.
If you do man up and go through it, don't expect to be coddled. I was astonished to learn it is common to give men pre-surgical drugs to loosen them up and calm them down. I have a phobia of needles. I understand anxiety. But women have to endure so much more. We guys can deal with a little cut and snip. We can indeed, man up.
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post script
It's been two weeks since my procedure and I'm on the mend. I have to admit I was tense that morning. During the procedure the urologist complained about the stupid things the morning radio deejays were saying. At one point he quipped, "Well, it's too late now for the left one." I'm sure he says that every other procedure, but I still found it funny.
After several days of limited mobility, I'm almost back to normal. In fact, this weekend I'm bringing my wife and daughters to the Packers-Seahawks game in Lambeau Field. I'll probably drink at least one crappy beer that claims to boost my manliness. It's all good.
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*  One other use of "man-up" I can get behind: the Man Up Campaign to stop violence against women by, in part, promoting gender equality. 

Comments
What a funny and wise post. I agree with you...despise the phrase "man up" especially when it's uttered by a woman, especially if that woman is a partner to a man. Very emasculating. However, your example is great and I'm wondering if men can get away with saying this more than women. I'm thinking so. Having said this, are you ready for some football? I LOVE football...and my Denver Broncos. Maybe we'll meet up at the Super Bowl :) Great to see you here today.
marytkelly
Wonderful post Derek! Excellent example of "manning up" in my book!
Kellylark
Mary, thanks. I am hoping the Packers will fare better against Seattle than the Broncos. They're brutal though, a Packers-Broncos match-up would be fun. Got to get revenge for the 1998 Superbowl afterall.
Skeptic Turtle
Good to see you back - football and all . . .
Owl_Says_Who
Oh, how I love reading your voice, Derek! Glad you're feeling better, too. All jokes aside, vasectomies *are* a huge deal for so many men, but you lovingly and selflessly thought of your wife and went through it in spite of your fears. No one ever needs to tell you to "man up." Guys like you set the bar for all others.
Lisa Kern

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